Kibble and a Newspaper
by Zana Zira
Summary: *ON A SHORT HIATUS* Due to his meddling around in the Materia Experimentation Room, Zack suddenly finds himself turned into a cute little black retriever. How is he going to get himself turned back, and how will his friends react when they find out "Zack the Puppy" is actually a puppy? Light Zerith and mention of Cloti. Please R & R.
1. Testing of Patience

Angeal Hewley was a very calm person, possibly the most laid-back and even-tempered man in all of SOLDIER. At thirty-three years old, the dark-haired First had already learned what mattered most to him in the world and what wasn't worth worrying over, and by now there wasn't much that could truly faze him. That fact was the primary reason he had been assigned to Zack Fair as a mentor three years ago, rather than Sephiroth or Genesis. Sephiroth, despite being the strongest person in SOLDIER and possibly on the Planet, had absolutely no people skills and knew nothing about dealing with overactive nineteen-year-olds. Genesis, well… He was more likely to kill Zack for interrupting his readings of LOVELESS than actually teach him anything.

Angeal chuckled to himself, remembering some of the many incidents over the years that had gotten Zack into trouble repeatedly and earned him the nickname "Puppy. The young SOLDIER was a true test of his mentor's patience, for sure, but Angeal would never complain; he loved him like a son, and somehow Zack's presence had made his life calmer in spite of all the craziness.

But now, sitting in his favorite chair by the large window in his living room and reading today's issue of _The Shin-Ra Daily News_, the brunette suddenly frowned, realizing something was out of sorts in his apartment. Folding the paper and setting it on the coffee table, he stood and glanced around the room, looking for the source of his unease. Nothing seemed out of place; his many plants were all healthy and green, his kitchen well-stocked and clean, and everything in its proper place. So what was it that didn't seem right?

It dawned on him a moment later: Zack hadn't been over to see him yet that day, and it was already three o'clock. The raven-haired boy, who did not technically _need_ a mentor now that he had reached First Class, still came by to train with Angeal almost every day, honing his sword skills and keeping his body in shape as well as simply seeking companionship from one of his best friends. It was highly unusual for Zack not to show up before noon, but not necessarily worrisome. He did often spend time training with Cloud too, after all, and when he could find time to get out of the building he often went to see his girlfriend Aerith.

Satisfied that he had found an explanation for his apprehension, Angeal sat himself back down in his deep leather chair and reopened the paper, skimming over the articles in search of one that looked interesting. He could hear a slight rumble of noise in the hall, followed by a crash; he sighed, trying to concentrate on his reading. Some Third-Class had probably gotten a little over-eager and broken something in the hall; it happened fairly often, much to all of the older SOLDIERs' displeasure. Soon, though, the noise began to increase in volume, coming closer to his front door until it was too hard to ignore any longer. Sighing irritably, Angeal stood from his chair again and strode to the front door, opening it in preparation for lecturing whoever was out there about the consequences of disturbing SOLDIERs less patient than himself.

The second the door swung open, Angeal suddenly found himself sprawled on his back on the floor, knocked down by a blurry black form that had leaped in at the first opportunity. The shouting in the hall came nearer, and several members of the science department ran into his apartment, nearly trampling him before he could get up off of the floor. They ran into the living room and then the kitchen, obviously after whatever creature had just barged in, and Angeal quickly followed suit, trying to help them catch whatever it was before it could wreck his quarters. When he skidded into the kitchen behind them, he was greeted not with a hideous, mutated monster hell-bent on destruction, but by a very obviously frightened black dog who did not look at all happy about being slowly cornered by the three scientists. As they advanced closer, the dog curled up its lip, revealing sharp white teeth while a warning growl rumbled loudly in its throat. One of the bolder scientists reached out to try and grab the dog, but he pulled his hand back immediately when the animal lunged for his fingers and snapped its teeth closed within a hair's breadth of his flesh.

"So, er… Mr. Hewley…?" a female scientist asked, pushing her glasses up her sweating nose and nervously brushing a loose strand of mousey brown hair behind her ear. "Do you think you might… um… have better luck catching him?" Angeal sighed, wanting nothing more than to return to the peace and quiet he had been enjoying earlier, and nodded.

"Let me see what I can do." He stepped forward slowly, lowering himself into a kneeling position to make himself less intimidating, and reached out his hand to see if the dog would react the same way it had earlier. Surprisingly, as soon as the dog saw him it seemed to relax, its lip covering its teeth and its tail beginning to wag rapidly. Angeal was puzzled. "Where did this dog come from?" he asked, reaching forward to pat it on the head and smiling slightly when the dog sighed and flopped down to expose its belly.

"We don't know," the woman answered, her eyes wide as she watched the seemingly vicious dog react so positively to Angeal. "We just found it running around near the Materia Labs, and when we tried to catch it, it snapped at us and ran away. We're lucky you opened the door when you did, or we may never have caught it." Angeal nodded, an idea already forming in his mind while he patted the dog's soft black head and scratched behind its ears.

"Well, how about I keep it, then?" he asked. "I'll see if I can find its owners, but if not, I think I could keep it as a pet myself. I always have liked dogs, especially retrievers like this one." The group of scientists looked shocked, but quickly regained their composure and nodded enthusiastically in relief.

"If that's what you want…"

"It is. Just leave this dog with me and I'll make sure it's taken care of."

"Good. Thank you so much for your help, Sir. We'll just be heading back now, if that's alright…"

"Go ahead. And have a nice day." They all scurried out of the apartment as quickly as they could, glad to be rid of the dog as much as it was glad to be rid of them. Now that he didn't have to deal with them, Angeal finally got a chance to really look at the large black dog in front of him. It was fairly large, somewhere around seventy to eighty pounds, with thick, shiny black fur that looked very well-taken care of, although it did stick up oddly in a few cowlicks along the dog's back. Its ears were not especially long but were very droopy, flopping heavily when the dog got up and shook itself off. But the most striking feature was definitely the bright blue eyes. Since when did black retrievers have bright blue eyes?

Something suddenly clicked for Angeal when he saw a glint of silver on a chain around the dog's neck. Reaching out carefully – though he didn't need to, for the dog was obviously very fond of him – he held up the dog tags on the chain, reading the name in total disbelief: Zack Fair. He looked back and forth between the dog and the tags several times, shaking his head and pinching himself once to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Well, that would explain the blue eyes, and why he hadn't seen his pupil all day.

"Oh, Zack… What have you done this time?" he muttered, laying his face in his hand.

The dog's only answer was a soft "woof."


	2. Here, Kitty Kitty

Angeal was very quickly beginning to doubt the wisdom of his decision to ask Genesis and Sephiroth for help with this unexpected situation. So far, neither had contributed anything but hysterical laughter and a stony scowl, respectively. Zack, meanwhile, had simply laid himself down on the floor and set his head on his paws, waiting with an unusual level of patience while the other three Firsts tried to puzzle out what to do about the suddenly canine SOLDIER.

"Ahaha! Aha… Ahem… Y'know," Genesis said, wiping his eyes when he finally managed to get his laughter under control. "I think I may actually like him better this way. At least now he has an excuse for having all the class and civility of a dog. And he looks better, too." Zack curled his lip and snorted at Genesis from his position by Angeal's feet, shifting his body so that his tail end was facing the redhead. The Crimson General merely rolled his eyes and chose to ignore it.

"Whether you _like_ him this way or not isn't the issue, Gen," Angeal said irritably, running his hand back through his hair for what must have been the hundredth time that day. "We need to figure out how this happened so we can reverse it. Somebody's bound to get suspicious when a First-Class SOLDIER just disappears without a trace."

"_Yeah!_" Zack thought, wagging his tail slightly at Angeal's words. "_And especially if a SOLDIER as awesome as _me_ goes missing._"

"Why don't we just ask him?" Sephiroth muttered, his first words to any of them since Angeal had brought Zack into Genesis's apartment.

"_Uh… 'Cause I'm a _dog_? Ya know… Like the non-speaking kind?_" Zack tried to say. Of course, all that came out was a bark, but he was pretty sure they understood anyway.

"I meant, of course, with yes or no questions," Sephiroth clarified, frowning at Zack as if the dog had insulted his intelligence. "You could nod or wag your tail once for yes, twice for no, something like that." Zack nodded as soon as he finished speaking, realizing that was the best option they had.

"Alright, so…" Angeal began, trying to think of the best questions to ask. "Did someone do this to you?" Zack shook his head. "You did this to yourself?" A quick nod; Angeal sighed and laid his head in his hands. "Was it on purpose?" Zack stood up and shook not only his head but his entire body this time – an emphatic "No!"

"Wait a moment," Sephiroth said, looking upward as he began piecing a few things together. "The scientists told you he was found near the Materia Experimentation Room, right?"

"Yes," said Angeal. "But I don't know of any kind of materia that turns someone into a dog."

"Neither do I. But what if it was a combination of materia, or a new hybrid being developed in the labs? Stranger things have come out of the labs at Shin-Ra than that."

"Like you, for instance?" Genesis asked with a snicker.

"In any case," the Silver General continued, ignoring Genesis completely. "I think the first thing we need to do is look into any and all types of materia the labs have been working on today. We shouldn't have to press them too hard for information, but if anyone decides that they should withhold anything from us…" He lifted Masamune from its position by his side, letting the tip of the blade rest ever-so-lightly on the floor. "I am sure I can convince them to reconsider." Zack's tail began beating the floor like a drum.

"_Yeah! Go Seph!_"

"Alright, Sephiroth, I think you've got the materia labs handled," Angeal said calmly, his eyes on his friend's enormous katana. "Genesis, you go down to the Bio-Labs and talk to Hollander to see if there's any kind of quick cure for something like this. He doesn't need to know who it's for, but if he insists on asking just tell him it's for a cadet that's gotten himself into trouble with a backfiring prank."

"And what are you going to be doing?" Genesis asked, leafing through his ever-present copy of LOVELESS boredly as he spoke.

"I'll take Zack with me and go get some… Pet supplies…" he said, almost embarrassedly. "We don't know how long he's going to be stuck like this, but people will probably get suspicious if they see that I'm keeping a dog and don't have _anything_ in my apartment for one." Genesis nodded, understanding his reasoning.

"If that's the case, take him to the pet store on LOVELESS Avenue," he said. "And no, not just because of the name of the place. It's where I go to get things for Minerva." Minerva, Genesis's long-haired cat, was his pride and joy, and he spoiled her rotten. Zack and Angeal both secretly hated the ruby-red cat, but they didn't dare tell Genesis that for fear of being lit on fire.

"Right. Well, Zack, let's get go – Zack?" All three of the human Firsts looked down at Zack, confused to see him on his feet and standing completely rigid with his lips raised in a snarl. Angeal was the first to spot the problem – Minerva had just padded into the room, fluffy tail up behind her like a question mark while she strutted across the floor with her nose in the air. A low growl rumbled in Zack's throat, and he licked his lips as he stared fixedly at the feline.

"Zack, no!" Angeal shouted, making a grab for his student, but it was too late. The dog was off, chasing Minerva down the hall while the cat hissed and spat furiously at him.

"My baby!" Genesis shrieked, following behind the animals as quickly as he could. "Don't you touch her, you mongrel!" Angeal got up and bolted after them, but stopped and turned around when he reached the entrance to the hall.

"Aren't you going to help?" he asked Sephiroth, who was still sitting on the couch and idly rubbing a speck of dirt off of Masamune.

"That's a battle even _I _am not brave enough to fight." Angeal flinched when he heard a loud crash and the sound of breaking glass, followed by a demonic screech that was impossible to identify as either Genesis's or Minerva's. He sighed, following the sounds of chaos down the hall the moment he heard a decidedly pitiful canine yelp.

"You have no idea how much I envy you right now, Sephiroth."


	3. Don't Touch!

"How in the world did _I_ end up on pet-sitting duty?" Sephiroth grumbled to himself from his seat on Angeal's living room sofa. The Silver General wasn't sure exactly what had happened to land him there; all he knew was that after managing to pry Minerva's claws from Zack's nose and calm down a murderously angry Genesis, Angeal had all but bolted from the room, taking Genesis with him and shouting for Sephiroth to take Zack back to his apartment as he went.

Sephiroth sighed, glaring icily at Zack as if all of this was his fault – which, in a way, it was. Zack simply ignored the dark look, too busy sniffing around the room for something to chew on to care. He may have been a human on the inside, but his newfound dog instincts were very quickly beginning to come into play. Sighing at the less-than-dignified way his fellow First was now sniffing his way around the apartment, the silver-haired man picked up the newspaper Angeal had discarded earlier, scanning it for something that might occupy him until Angeal and Genesis got back. He just hoped they came back soon.

* * *

"_Hey Seph! Seph!_" Zack barked, trying to get his friend's attention. He was very bored, seeing as he couldn't train with his sword or do squats now and Sephiroth hadn't turned on the T.V. for him. Sephiroth pointedly ignored him, turning a page in the newspaper with obviously feigned interest. He was the pride and joy of Shin-Ra, for Shiva's sake! He'd be one of the _first_ people to hear any news that was in that paper, if not the one to cause most of it himself; the only people who might know more about the goings-on within the company were the Turks and President ShinRa. Zack sighed, whining slightly in a last – futile – attempt to get Sephiroth's attention for the moment.

"_Fine,_" he growled to himself as his tail drooped in disappointment. "_I'll just find something to do over – Oooh, what's that?_" He licked his lips, stalking toward the object with raised ears and a slowly wagging tail. "_Oh, yeeeahh… Zacky likey…_"

* * *

The apartment was suddenly a little too quiet for Sephiroth's liking. Although he hadn't responded to him at all, Zack had nonetheless been making quiet little sniffs and "wuffs" up to now, as if just to let his friend know he was still there and still _bored_. Now, though, there was not a single sound to be heard, and knowing Zack that was never a good sign.

Sephiroth was instantly on alert, his sharp eyes searching for the black SOLDIER-dog while he listened intently for anything out of place. His body was tensed, poised to spring just as it was when he was in the thick of battle. But he was fighting against something now that scared him in ways no Wutaian soldier ever could; if he let Zack ruin something in Angeal's apartment, he knew he would be subjected to one of his friend's famous "Pride and Honor" speeches, and he wasn't sure he had the strength to endure that torture. No, he had to find Zack, and _fast_.

Within a minute or two, he picked up the sound of Zack's tail hitting the floor slowly from Angeal's bedroom. Seeing nothing in the room, he decided to check under the bed. There, curled up in the unbelievably tight space with one of Angeal's dress-uniform boots in his teeth, was Zack. The dog growled at first, curling his lip, before he realized it was Sephiroth and began wagging his tail again. Sephiroth stayed still, not sure how exactly to handle this. Finally, he narrowed his eyes and held out his hand, reaching for the boot. Zack immediately clamped his teeth down on it, backing up and shooting out from under the bed to bow playfully in front of the silver-haired SOLDIER with his rear in the air and his tail waving madly. It didn't take a dog-whisperer to see what Zack was saying now: "_Catch me if you can!_"

Sephiroth, refusing to make a fool of himself and take the bait, simply extended his hand again, narrowing his eyes when Zack tensed to run.

"Zack. Give me that. _Now_," he said in a low, threatening voice. Zack woofed quietly, the sound muffled around the smelly leather in his mouth, and ran in a circle, trying to get Sephiroth to chase him; Sephiroth stayed as still as a statue. "Zack, you are testing my patience. I am your superior, and you will hand that over to me _this instant_ or be faced with severe disciplinary – oof!"

Sephiroth's intimidating speech was cut off when Zack leaped up and butted his head into the General's stomach – hard – before turning and running for the living room. Sephiroth growled, coughing slightly as he got his breath back, and followed Zack at a fast walk. Fair was _definitely_ getting extra paperwork duty for this if he had anything to say about it.

He found Zack waiting in the living room, but now he had abandoned Angeal's boot in favor of a much more interesting toy – Masamune. His teeth were clenched around the hilt of the blade, gnawing happily on the leather that was wrapped around it to help steady its owner's grip. Sephiroth stood frozen in silent fury for a moment, his green eyes beginning to glow with a dangerous light while he stared at the blue-eyed dog. In an instant, he had sprung across the room and snatched Zack up by the scruff of his neck, holding all eighty pounds of the dog several feet off the floor with only one hand as if he weighed nothing. Zack yelped, his eyes wide and his tail tucked between his legs when he remembered just why so many people had called Sephiroth "The Demon of Wutai" in his war days.

"Fair, this is your _last warning_," he growled in a voice so low that even the dog had to listen closely to hear it. "Touch _anything_ in here I have not given you permission to touch – anything of mine, especially – and you'll find yourself neutered before you can take a breath to beg for mercy. Is that in any way unclear?" Zack whined pitifully, his ears pinned flat against his skull and his lips pulled back into a fearful smile; point taken. "Good. Now lie here by the couch and don't move until Angeal and Genesis come back." Zack bolted for the couch, dropping to the floor so quickly it almost hurt and curling up into a ball. Sephiroth smirked, settling down on the couch himself and resisting the temptation to prop his feet up on Zack.

"Good boy."

* * *

When Angeal returned two hours later, laden down with several bags of pet supplies and a large bag of kibble slung over his shoulder, he was pleasantly surprised to find his home still intact. He had expected some kind of disaster, even if it was just a small one. Sephiroth was not the most adept house-sitter the world had ever known, and Zack was accident-prone even when he _wasn't_ a literal dog. The dark-haired First walked into the living room in search of his student and found him curled up on the floor beside Sephiroth's feet, awake but completely still; not even his tail twitched when Angeal walked into the room. When he spotted Angeal, Sephiroth stood and stretched, yawning lazily in a way that greatly resembled a tiger.

"I trust you found everything you needed?" he asked, indicating the many bags Angeal had brought home with him.

"Yes. This should be plenty for a while. And when Zack's turned back, I can save it for a time when I might have a dog in the future." He turned around slowly, realizing Zack still hadn't moved from his position on the floor, and crossed his arms. "Zack? What's wrong?" The dog looked sorrowfully at him but got up, slinking over to the two of them with his tail tucked firmly between his legs. Angeal turned an accusatory glare to Sephiroth. "Seph, what did you do to him?"

"Absolutely nothing," Sephiroth said defensively. "He was trying to eat one of the boots from your formal uniform and then the hilt of Masamune. I simply reminded him of the many reasons he didn't wish to do either of those things." Angeal still looked skeptical, but he let it drop for now.

"Well, anyway, thanks for your help, Sephiroth. I think I can handle it from here. I'll let you know how it's going tomorrow." Sephiroth nodded, turning on his heel and striding out of Angeal's apartment to head back to his own. Angeal sighed, running his hands back through his hair exhaustedly. "All right, Zack. Let's have dinner, and we can try to figure out more tomorrow." Zack barked excitedly, able to smell the raw steaks Angeal had bought from the butcher shop down the street and hoping at least a piece or two would fall off of the counter for him. He didn't even care if they were raw - they were _steak_! Angeal chuckled, beginning to prep some of the ingredients for dinner while he put away some of the pet supplies. Everything went smoothly for the rest of the evening, and Angeal never noticed the way Zack tucked his tail between his legs and sat down every time he saw a knife that night.


End file.
